Does Feck Off Birds Actually Work?
If you've landed here, you're probably about to buy one and you want to know whether it's rubbish.
Fair enough. Here's the straight version, including the parts that don't flatter us.
The short answer
It works for most people. It doesn't work for everyone.
Where it goes wrong, it's almost always one of three things: not enough nests for the size of the boat, the nest in the wrong spot, or someone expecting it to do a job it was never going to do.
All three are worth understanding before you spend anything.
What it actually does
A gull choosing a spot isn't asking whether your boat is dangerous. It's asking whether the spot is taken.
Gulls don't nest on top of each other. One pair moves in, and every other bird gives that patch a wide berth — not out of fear, out of instinct. That's why it keeps working when a plastic owl stops after a fortnight. You can't frighten a bird for long, but you can't talk it out of an instinct either.
Here's the part that matters, and it's the single most common reason someone is disappointed:
It clears the patch around it. Not the whole boat.
On a tinny or a small runabout, the patch around it is the whole boat. On a 40-footer it isn't. Put one nest on the bow of a big boat and the gulls will simply move to the stern, and you'll conclude it doesn't work. It did work. It just worked over about two metres.
So how many does your boat need?
- Tinny, small runabout, a jetty or a pontoon — one is fine
- Up to about 42 feet — two, one forward and one aft
- Over 42 feet — four, so there's no clear stretch of deck left
It isn't an exact science, because boats aren't. If there's a spot they keep favouring, that's where the next one goes.
Buying one to see how it goes, on a boat that needs three, is the expensive way to find this out.
Where to put it
Low and sheltered — out of the worst of the wind — but somewhere a bird flying past can actually see it.
Not up on the hardtop or the bimini. Up there it's exposed on every side, it's first to catch the wind, and it's the one most likely to get knocked about.
And not shoved inside a locker or under a cover either. If a gull can't see it, it does nothing at all.
Then tie it down. Thread a cord through the wire frame and make it off to a rail or a cleat. One minute, once.
The eggs — the bit we get complaints about
Some customers tell us gulls have gone at the eggs and damaged them. It's a real thing and we're not going to pretend it isn't.
It happens in nesting season. Good sites are scarce, every pair wants one, and a bird that would have shrugged and moved on at any other time of year will come down for a closer look at a nest it thinks it can take.
Two things reduce it:
- Keep it low and sheltered, with something solid behind it. A nest sitting out in the open on a roof is the one that gets challenged.
- Check the boat while the season's on. Five minutes each visit — is it where you left it, are the eggs sitting right.
If it happens to you, email us at enquiry@feckoffbirds.com with a photo and we'll sort it out with you.
What it won't do
This is the part most sites leave off.
- It's for seagulls. We don't claim it works on pigeons, magpies, cormorants, ibis, ospreys or pelicans. Other birds don't read a gull's nest the way a gull does, and we're not going to take your money pretending otherwise.
- It won't move birds that have already nested. Once a pair has laid, the nest is protected and you're waiting for the chicks to fly. Get in before they do.
- It won't cover a big boat on its own. See above.
- It won't work hidden. It has to be seen.
Why you won't find many reviews on this page
Honestly? Because the people it works for stop thinking about it.
The nest goes on, the birds go elsewhere, and that's the end of their involvement. Nothing happens, so there's nothing to write about. The people who had a problem have something annoying them every time they walk down the dock — so they're the ones who write.
That's true of every product like this. It's worth remembering when you're reading reviews of anything.
What we'd rather do is tell you plainly what it does and where it falls down, and let you decide.
If you're still not sure
Email enquiry@feckoffbirds.com and tell us the length of your boat and where the mess is worst. We'll tell you how many you need — including if the answer is one.